Oh, how I hate you so...

To all readers, whether it’s new or old, into music or into ranting about Comcast, I hope this never happens to you. In fact, for this not to happen to you, please resort to any other means other than Comcast. A company that prides itself on customer relations and a home service has never been so backwards in my opinion.

This all started last week around Wednesday or Thursday. I got the keys to my new place and I wanted Comcast to be there when I moved in. Of course, that was wishful thinking since they are usually booked to the teeth a week in advance and I was moving in on Sunday. In any case, I decided to jump into the Comcast fray yet again. I have had Comcast in two previous dwellings before and most recently at my parents’ home. Needless to say, I was well versed in the Comcast fiasco of waiting on the phone or chatting to people via their live chat support. I did have hope that Comcast got better, now reinventing their line of products as “Xfinity” and the “Triple, Double, or Single Play” options. Maybe they also reinvented themselves as a reliable source for internet and TV in general.

This was not the case.

As I was chatting to this guy via their live chat feature about my installation appointment, he was trying to upsell me these other products Comcast provides. Of course, that’s his job… but what he failed to mention to me were the important aspects of my actual installation appointment. Such as: 1) how many TVs will need to be hooked up? 2) Are there outlets for all the TVs? 3) Are these TVs HDTV’s? 4) How many HDTV’s are there? …the list goes on, I’m sure. In any case, he says I’m ready to go and that my appointment is in the book. So I’m happy, I suppose.

I get an email saying that my date for my installation has be confirmed. A minute later I received an email saying that it was cancelled. A few minutes after that it was yet again confirmed. Confused, I assumed the date and time was ready to go…

Thursday rolls around and in anticipation for the guy being here on time (10am), I wake up and get ready. After sitting around for about thirty minutes for the guy to show up, I nod off back to bed… Only to be awakened by a phone call. Was it the Comcast guy??! Not at all. Just a friend asking if I was in town. At this point, it was noon. The installation window was supposed to be between 10am and 12pm. I go on the site to see if they have any answers for me, and Comcast’s customer service says that it is occasional that the installation window may need some forgiveness since every job an installer is assigned isn’t necessarily peg-holed into a specific time frame. Okay, whatever. The availability of the window was actually between 8am – 12pm with an asterisk. The asterisk denoted “*hours subject to availability” or some horse shit like that. Of course, this wasn’t known to me until I was confirmed for 10am. As if I supposedly said “YEAH, 10 AM SOUNDS GREAT! WAAAY BETTER THAN 8 AM!”.

Some dude rolls through about thirty minutes late (even though I believe he was technically two hours and thirty minutes late [or even more technically four hours and thirty minutes late since I never agreed to 10am being the initial start time]) smelling of tobacco and huffing and puffing as he carried some box filled with Comcast toys. I tell him what’s up: three TVs, the one in the living room gets the premium crap, and the modem goes into my room. He nods and starts it up. As he’s crawling around my living room he asks me for “more power”. So I scrounge up a power strip and hand it to him. Then he asks me for a TV. So I scrounge up the TV in my room for him to set stuff up on. He gets the jam working and everything seems as if this Comcast thing is going to work out fine. I ask about the other three boxes and he explains that the work order is only for one. I tell him I was never prompted with anything describing to me how many TVs I should have receivers for. He says that he has an extra one in his truck and that “we’ll go from there…” And boy, did we.

He comes into my room, a room with no cable outlets, and says to me, “we usually need consent to drill through walls from the owner… and I’m assuming you’re renting. But, if you toss me $15 then I can totally drill a hole through the wall and keep this hush hush.” I asked if there was any other way to do it and he said to me that the only other way is to not have my room set up and to just wait for Comcast to roll around again to set my room up on some other date. Perplexed, I went along with the idea. Which is when he tells me, “I have to go next door to fix up another place. But I’ll be back in an hour. Will you be here?” And I said yes, since this is my #1 priority. Unfortunately for me, it seems as if this dude played me.

As I walk outside to lock up my place, I noticed the half smoked cigarette my Comcast installer left on my door step. Great showmanship. I start walking out to pick up some stuff for dinner and that $15 that guy wants to drill a hole into my wall. I get back and start watching some TV on the one room this guy has installed. One hour rolls by. Then minutes tick away. I start timing things in commercial breaks. About four commercial breaks later, I notice it is now two hours after he said he’d be back. Completely at a loss, I get back on my computer and type up Comcast’s live support again. Of course, I explain what’s up to them and they don’t seem to understand that a dude just came in, installed some Comcast stuff in one room, and never installed the last room or the modem in the room or even drilled into my fucking wall illegally and under-handed a deal for some lunch money. Assuming that this poor customer service representative was doing the best he (or she) could from whatever outsourced country he (or she) was from, I get a call from “Jeff” the Comcast guy who was just at my place. I’m guessing my ruckus incited the customer service guy to call the local branch here to call “Jeff’s” supervisor, in order to call me to tell me Hey bruh, I didn’t forget about you. They sent me out here to do something that took longer that I thought. I’ll be by in about 10 to 15 minutes though. Fat fucking chance. I keep talking to the poor CSR guy about how to get someone here today to finish installing all my crap. All this guy could offer me was that third receiver box to be shipped to me. THAT’S NOT THE FUCKING PROBLEM, MAN. I NEED COMCAST TO SET MY SHIT UP BECAUSE I AM NOT A COMCAST INSTALLER!! In any case, he processes some order to me. About thirty minutes after that dude calls me to let me know he’s coming in 10 minutes, he shows up. He drills the hole in about 3 seconds and sets all the crap up in about 5 minutes. You really needed to do someone else’s house to fix or install shit when it really only took you 5 minutes to finish mine? He tells me to go to the local office and request another receiver for my place since the work order only had me down for one. I tell him, “I suppose” and ask if he wants to square up over the $15. He says, “yeah man, all I have is a $1 or a $100 though…” wrong fucking answer buddy. The right one should have been, “Ah, it’s cool. I put you on ice for over two hours. Sorry for the wait! Enjoy!” and take your nasty smoke smell with you. I throw him $20 and tell him to keep it. Get the fuck out.

Everything seems to be going fine and dandy until I start to configure my internet. I’ve hooked up wireless networks before and none came to as hard as what this came down to. I finally get it all up and running when the internet decides to blow out on me. Every hour or so, my modem stops working. No internet. No access. At times, it doesn’t even recognize that I’m sending packets from my computer at all. I get on the Comcast site again. After a good hour, the CSR girl tells me that anything from streaming videos to playing online games can affect my connection. Well shit. I guess that means “STOP PLAYING GAMES AND WATCHING YOUTUBE YOU FUCKING FOOL” doesn’t it? Way to go, “Anika”. This person runs some “troubleshooting” things on their end to ensure to me that my connection has improved. They mention every now and then that my modem might be defective. Yet again, completely confused… since I’ve been up waiting for these guys since 10am and it is now about 1 am the next morning. All “Anika” has for me is that the connection should be up and running for now and if the problem persists, take it in. Oh great. Let’s fucking DRIVE my ass to some hell hole where every one is angry, WAIT IN LINE until some unknowing part-timer gives me the third degree, RETURN the shit that just got installed in my apartment, and HOPE that the shit they give me in return works. Are you fucking serious???

As I type this, my internet connection troubleshooting with Anika was successful… for about 20 minutes. Since then, it has now been about two hours straight and my modem is not getting any internet connection at all. None whatsoever. It’s to the point where it says it isn’t sending any information from my computer. I write this to you from my laptop, stealing my neighbors’ internet to post this.

P.S. As if in some sick, Comcast-esque Saw film, my internet connection has come on. Woe is me.

I just got back from KFC with Ryan Tamborski (one of the other owners of 402 Productions) and had a Double Down. I decided that it was so… life changing that I’d review it.

So, if you haven’t heard (and I know you have), the Double Down is basically a double chicken sandwich with bacon and with no bun. If you haven’t seen the rip-off Mac commercial that they shot for this thing… here you go:

I’m full.

The way to eat it, as depicted by the commercial and by default, is by just grabbing the wrapper and going for it. This proves annoying, so I resorted to just man-handling this thing. First off is the oily slick you get on your fingers. It’s kind of like the feeling you get when you wipe sweat off your forehead on a hot day. Think of that, but touching food and then eating that same food. The cheese, which was supposedly pepper jack, was more like white American cheese with colored specks dusted around the cheese. The secret sauce, aptly named “Colonel’s Sauce”, was more of a way to disguise the spicy tang you were supposed to be getting from the cheese. Rather than spicy, it was more tart and mayonnaise-tasting. The bacon itself was just run-of-the-mill microwave-tasting bacon. Not crispy, soggy from the mayo-ish sauce, and salty. The chicken itself was moist, but was way too much chicken. It was like eating a sandwich that has too much bread… except instead of that bread taste that drys your mouth out, it’s a oily, greasy, breaded chicken breast that fills your mouth. Between these two filets are the soggy, wet, and flavorless taste of cheese, bacon, and sauce. About half way through was enough for most regular human beings with no souls, but I am no regular soulless human. I have to be sub-human and have negative soul. I owe soul to the world. If I ever gained soul, it’d just set me back to soulless. And if you finish one of these, which I did, you too are negative souled. At the end, the tastes that lingered the most were the breading from the chicken (mostly a salty taste), a filmy taste from the processed cheese, and an almost jerky taste from the bacon (yet again, salty). Texture wise, it was nothing like eating an oversized chicken nugget. It was more like eating over-salted Shake ‘n’ Bake chicken, let it sit for a day, and microwave it together with some processed cheese and tough bacon. Oh wait, that’s kind of like what it was. Oh wait… that is what it was.

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People who would like this: ideally, no one. In actuality, people who are really high. There is no way you can be sober and enjoy this. The flavors are impossible to like. The sauce makes it almost sour tasting. Intoxication of some sort would make this a great food. However, KFC’s Double Down is more pricey than something off of Taco Bell’s menu. This is definitely not “bang for you buck” from KFC. It’s bang. But in the end you feel cheated. Other people who would like this: people who want to play pranks on people. Buy this and make someone eat it. It’s a good prank because afterward you can always point and laugh at the friend you have who ate the Double Down.

On a side note, try eating this in a secluded place like… your room with your lights off or a closet. Being seen eating this is the scarlet letter of fast food.

If this were an album, this would not get anywhere near close to good. So, in the spirit of my other reviews…

Ryan "Tambo" Tamborski (left), Erik Schau (cntr), and Nick Wan (right)

I’ve realized that there is not a lot of “other” articles on this site other than music reviews. So, to lighten the mood, I’ll show you some things the fellows of 402 Productions do from time to time, since we are all busy bees.

Ryan Tamborski and I met somehow… I don’t know when or where, nor do I recall any stories from “The Early 402″ days. And even if I did, I wouldn’t tell them. But because of this, folklore seems to be our best bet as to how we met. I know it has to do with me talking like a little girl and him jumping on my car’s hood and leaving a dent the size of a 6’7″ man, but much else is lost in this frizzled memory. In the end, Tambo and I have tried our best to keep ourselves occupied with various little-girl-voice-plus-large-man-body type things.

Although music is what we do mostly, our spare time is usually used to either: 1) write songs we end up forgetting 2) write scripts we never end up shooting and 3) being awesome. What might be included in being awesome?

A few nights ago, Tambo had some tickets to go to a basketball game. Of course, tickets is a plural, implying he had a ticket for himself and someone else. Sadly, since Tambo scares everyone he meets, he had no one to go with. After many hours (maybe just one hour) trying to find him a person to go with (we tried really hard, no joke) Tambo ended up giving up on his efforts. During this time, he posted an initial Craigslist ad for someone to go with… but to no avail. The ad itself was posted under “missed connections”. If you haven’t been entertained enough today, you should probably go and read some missed connections. Here’s a picture of Tambo’s hopeless effort (click to enlarge any pic):

Now, you may be thinking, “damn, I would have totally gone with him!” at this point. If so, shame on you for not parusing missed connections in the LA area. This ad, by the way, got him a total of ZERO replies. Anyway, Tambo’s failure, as well as our collective failures of trying to get him a date of some sort, left us to question whether anyone would ever reply to our craigslist ads. And so, the challenge was born. I would make his personal ad and he would make mine and the person who got to best emails wins. Simple enough. Here are both of our emails:

Tambo's ad created by me, Nick Wan

Nick Wan's ad created by Tambo

Now, you are definitely thinking to yourself, “no way in hell will either of these idiots will get any responses!” but rest assured… we did. For the ad I created for Tambo, he aquired 13 responses, the majority of them being fake people (like robots or spam), hookers, or guys (??????? this is the m4w forum). As for myself, Tambo forwarded me all my emails he receieve and I got 6 responses, most being fake as well. But within the mess of emails, there were some actual people replying back. For Tambo’s ad that he did for me, here are some quotes:

well you’ve succeeded in making me laugh at 3am.

I’m 37, a RN by profession. I just recently moved to SF bay area, originally from Calgary, Canada…

I liked your ad, it made me laugh. You got a facebook? If so, ad me: [censored email] and we’ll go from there.
Cheers

So, I had a good amount of real responses some how. I don’t know how, but I did I guess. Now, Tambo thinks I won… but I honestly believe he won because of the following:

heya…saw your ad..
tell me more about you.. also send me some pics and i’ll send you some.

Gold star my friend, you got me to giggle, and for a brief moment, realize that there are somewhat normal/smart people on the ol Craigs(shit)list
-Nina

Are u really the coolest guy everrrr lets  see whats your major at UCLA? lol

but the cream of the crop was a chick who sent us some nude pics of her. Of course, I can’t really show that… but she definitely showed it up. And so, since Tambo got porn from some random chick based off of my ad about chess teams and pokemon, Tambo won it.

So, in our spare time… we do things like this. There are a ton of other things we do that are already recorded and just need some commentary to go along with it or things we are doing and we just need to do them to write about them. I’ll try to make these types of posts here and there, so check back often.

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Favorite Soda of 2009:

I know that as a geek, I am supposed to proclaim my unending love for all things Mountain Dew.  And while I do indeed love the Dew, it was Pepsi Throwback that I loved the most this year.  (It kinda kills me to say that, because my feet are planted firmly in Camp Coke.)  But honestly — who could resist cola sweetened with REAL pure cane sugar?  BTW, this is making a return visit to stores later this month, with a new retro package design.  Don’t miss it.

Favorite Christmas Item:

Southern Comfort Eggnog.  Even if there’s really no SoCo in the ‘nog, it doesn’t matter.  This is THE BEST.  Everything else is just thick milk in comparison.

Favorite Ice Cream:

Haagen-Dazs 5: Brown Sugar
I may be the only person on the planet who really loves this stuff, sadly.  I think it’s great.  It tastes like a frozen version of Panda Licorice.   Rich, deep molasses flavor, creamy texture, and with only five ingredients.  Proof that simplicity can be not only elegant, but fantastic.

Biggest Surprise of 2009

Trader Joe’s Tikka Paneer frozen meal.  I’d thought that frozen Indian food would be unspeakably bad, but Trader Joe’s nailed it.  It’s rich and spicy, and you can almost imagine that it came from a real Indian joint.  Not only that, but it’s less expensive (and way, WAY better) than many similar items you’ll find in popular supermarkets.

Faverite Pocky of 2009

Glico Kiwi Pocky.  Sounded weird, tasted great!  And who doesn’t love Pocky?

Favorite Munchie of 2009

Jack In The Box Taco Nachos.  I think this is what Harold & Kumar eat when they can’t get to White Castle.  Simply take two incredibly greasy Jack tacos, cover them in Jack’s slightly horrifying “cheese” sauce, and there you have it.  From a foodie standpoint, it is so unimaginably bad that there’s no way it could possibly be good…and yet, it is truly awesome in its unlimited awfulness.  Aw…dude…!