An Interview: Baggy Time

[Editor's note: Tom, Baggy Time's manager and brother, wanted a few corrections to the interview. Here is his letter he sent to me:

I came across your Baggy Time interview and wanted you to correct a couple of things. First off, Baggy Time is not a brother/sister group, it's a solo project by Baggy Time. She writes all the songs, plays all the instruments and sings. I just serve as her manager and producer, I'm not on the music side. You can mention her brother if you wish, but please make sure it's clear it's in the capacity of manager.

Tom

So there you have it. Hope you enjoy the sounds of Baggy Time!]

Baggy Time, from Illinois, was the first album I reviewed this year. If you ever put yourself through the 31 songs Baggy Time has to offer then you will most likely know all about the sex-crazed, human anatomy-centric lyrics sung by Mary Beth Brennan. Tambo decided to take it upon himself to interview this lovely lady for this site. Read below!

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Avant garde?
It’s a good sounding word, and I’m happy to be a part of it.

You say that your pussy has no direction. If your pussy were moving, which you imply it is, what is the five year plan for your pussy? Will it listen to you?
I just went to the gynecologist and she said my cervix goes to my right. I asked her if that was normal and she said that a cervix is like a nose (way to comfort me). Now I know where to place my dildo properly to hit the best spot in my twat… Thank you Asian doctor! Anyway, I was a slut and still am. Show me a fridge and I got a magnet for it. That magnet has no idea where it’s gonna be placed, it just hooks up.

The five year plan for my pussy would be to have a girlfriend that loves it. The plan would be for it to connect to another pussy puzzle piece that my pussy has been secretly searching for behind my back my whole life. After the five years are up I will hopefully drop her ass for someone younger and hotter and be really unhappy as a result.

In your song “Manager”, you allude to being a manager of something other than your pussy. Are you a manager of a business? If so, where?
I am the manager of “Fat Willy’s Rib Shack” in Chicago, Illinois. I work really hard, but I definitely can’t help it when I touch the hot staff (and yes I have gotten in trouble for it). The song “Manager” is based on various bad restaurant managers I had the misfortune of dealing with in the past, it’s certainly not based on me and my managerial style. I could never understand why people like that had a job in the first place. I work very hard not to act like that. We have the best ribs in town by the way…

When you say that you are my mother, followed with that I am a motherfucker, are you saying that I fucked you?  If not, do I have a chance?
Do you have coke and beer? Is it 5 a.m.? If so, your chances are pretty good. I’m very lonely and no one understands me. No one has ever fucked me. I don’t care what your private part is, I’m always on top and I always fuck you.

When did you write the song “I Am Horny”? Does it still apply?
The song is actually called “I’m So Horny”. No rudeness implied, just a correction. It was a hot day in Chicago and I was just coming home to my apartment in the middle of the afternoon on my day off. I remember I was wearing my red softball shorts from the Sports Authority that I can somehow get away with and a cute red thrift t-shirt that I received from a past roommate. I sat on the edge of my couch and I was horny. I even scrolled through the address book in my phone to see who I could call. I called no one. I took out my big black anything book and I wrote this song in two minutes and I haven’t changed a thing since. I meant every word and although some people find it funny, it’s the way I felt in those two minutes. I don’t remember what happened after that, I assume I masturbated (which I frequently do to live my life). I have an amazing memory for stupid things.

Do you like Asian boys with glasses named Nick Wan?  If not, could you potentially see yourself liking an Asian in __ years?
How many years? Is this you talking about yourself? If so, I will fuck you and I will like you and I won’t even charge you because you’re a Baggy Time fan. I like the gratefulness that Asian boys can possess, but I hope Nick Wan isn’t cute or hot. I would never fuck a hot guy, they think that I’m lucky to have them and I certainly don’t posses the gratefulness that Asian boys do. Wait… why do I fuck guys in general? I suppose exceptions can be made…
[editor's note: I am single. Thanks for looking out for me Tambo.]

If you were invited to a boxed-wine-and-American-cheese party, what would you bring?
I take my wine and cheese parties very seriously, so I’m down… seriously when is this party? I would bring German Riesling, goat cheese and California Pinot Noir. I would talk extensively about Pinot Noir and make sure everyone at the party knows how to pronounce it properly. I guess you can say I would bring this fun party to a screeching halt, so you probably shouldn’t invite me.

There are quite a few instruments used on your album. I heard an accordion, several electronic instruments and….I lost my train of thought. The whole point of this question was to ask you who provided the back-up breaths on “I Want My Mommy” after you demand money for an unfinished blowjob.
“Your Private Part Touched My Heart” is all Baggy Time through and through. I bleed my true heart out and it is very connected to my pussy, so thank you for feeling it. Those breathes on the song are mine. The feeling of “I Want My Mommy” came to me when I moved to Korea Town in LA and I really wanted my mommy. I was in a very bad place emotionally and everything seemed to be crashing down. All of my decisions were turning into failures and my mommy was my last resort. However, I never, ever called her.

The accordion is actually a child’s toy made by a company called Child Prodigy that I got off eBay for .99 (one button doesn’t work). The keyboard stuff is from a 1998 Casio that I still use in my band, “The Baby Magic”. I bought it with the money my aunt gave me for graduation. I also use a Suzuki QChord, which is a gospel type instrument that people use to spread the word. The rest of the rare instruments come from my friend Joe. When he was down on his luck I gave him 100 dollars, he paid me back in rare instruments. I think I made out in that deal.

How did you come up with your name?
I was in my apartment wearing baggy corduroy lime green pants and a newly purchased thrift store zip-up life saver jacket. Picture Marty McFly’s life saver jacket, but silver and shiny. I looked at myself in a full-sized mirror and said “I’m Baggy Time”. I realized that I could say whatever I wanted and had no apologizes with comfort. I will never leave Baggy Time.

Who are your influences?
They Might Be Giants, Modest Mouse and Weezer,  but not any of these band’s recent stuff… I’m talking 90′s.

It’s been four months since the release of Baggy Time’s first album.  Where are the other three albums?
All of my albums will have a “365″ concept to them, and there will be 12 albums in total. That means people will have a Baggy Time song for every day of the year. Each album I release represents a different month of the year, so my first album consists of 31 tracks and represents the month of January. When I was originally writing and recording these songs, I was practically writing a new song everyday, that’s when the 365 album idea hit me. I called my brother and I told him about my 12 year project and he was in (he’s now my manager).

The 365 concept does not imply that I’ll be releasing an album every month. These songs actually take a lot of time to write and craft. As I write this, I’m halfway through the February album, which will be called “Songs From A Stupid, Fucking Drunken Bitch”. It will have 28 tracks, with a special bonus track for leap year. The album is going great and I can’t wait for you to hear it.

Would you rather be baggy or time?  If so, why not the former?  If not, why so the latter?
I’d much rather be Baggy. I have to tell you that my title doesn’t have much explaining or real meaning behind it, it just feels right. I used to go by “Planet Poop”, but I got over that real fast. I’m a big fan of the book, “The Power Of Now” which describes time as a man made thing and that thinking of the past or future creates jail cells in our heads.

Smirnoff Ice or Mike’s Hard?
Mike’s Hard. I love lemonade and I love alcoholic drinks that disguise themselves as soft drinks. I used to drink tons of Zima, I think it teaches kids how to drink.

Slavery or Suffrage?
I say suffer no matter how hard it is. We all suffer and find our way to happiness at moments. No slave ever has true happiness (just ask mine).
[editor's note: Nick Wan Nation fans, represent.]

Identity Thief or Nigerian Scammer?
Identity thief any day. Nigerians hate us so much and think that we are dumb and materialistic. That might be true, but then what are they doing with our numbers and addresses? At least identity theft people are shoppers just like us.

Anorexia or Bulimia?
Bulimia of course. You actually get to eat with Bulimia and the taste hits your tongue twice. I’m from Chicago and we love to eat.

Dungeons or Dragons?
Dragons, as long as they are cartoon dragons.

Hilter Mustache or Hitler Unibrow?
Mustache for sure. No one can wear it now thanks to him, but the man had fashion sense. It’s funny, he helped develop the Volkswagen Bug and years after he died we still punch each other when we see it.

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So, amongst the noise of Dungeons and Dragons and Hitler questions, Baggy Time will be releasing Songs From A Stupid, Fucking Drunken Bitch sometime in the near future. Until then, keep your pants on. Also, USA drawing against England really just means England needs to try a little harder. Am I right? I’m right.