402′s Worst Reviews of the Year
We have some scathing reviews on this website sometimes. Maybe we’re angry about something. Maybe we’re talking about something not related to music whatsoever. Most of the time we’re on topic when we’re angry about music. And usually it becomes somewhat enjoyable if you are not on the receiving end of the message. Here are my five favorite bad album reviews we had from this year.
Feel free to click on the album art to link to our full review of the album!
How to Dress Well – Love Remains
Genre: below-fi
Why it was bad: recording quality = horrendous.
Quote from the article: “It sounds as if someone took a microphone, hooked it up to a laptop, wrapped the microphone in plastic bags, placed that inside a sleeping bag, put that in a dumpster, hit record and started singing down an alley.”
Best Coast – Crazy For You
Genre: Indie surf, bro
Why it was bad: Boring
Quote from the article: “I actually caught myself checking to see why there was a 3 second silence in the middle of a song, only to find that it was in fact a new song all together.”
Less Than Jake – TV/EP
Genre: Seriously? It’s Less Than Jake. Did you not go to high school?
Why it was bad: Lack of creativity
Quote from the article: “This concept could be great if not executed in the most literal and asinine way possible… but Less Than Jake had to drive directly to the corner of Literal Street and Asinine Way and set up shop”
We Were Promised Jetpacks – The Last Place You’ll Look
Genre: Post-something
Why it was bad: There are countless other albums that can be listened to in place of this album
Quote from the article: “People who would like this album: boring people.”
Jordan Bolton – Jazz Hands
Genre: Uh…
Why it was bad: No continuity throughout the album at all
Quote from the article: on Jazz Hands being considered an album: “That does not make an album. That’s like taking a blurry photograph of a squirrel’s genitalia, a time lapse video of a taco shell molding, and a preschooler’s crayon drawing of a horse, and calling it a debut art series just by placing them in the same room.”
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And there you have it. Hopefully you aren’t on the receiving end of these kind of articles, but remember that although we’ll poke and prod if you’re horrible this is all for you to get better. Or something. I mean, you can’t go anywhere but up from here. Or something.
Happy new year everyone, stay safe and hopefully we’ll see all of you on 402 Reviews next year!












